Why We Lose Ourselves – and How We Find Our Way Back

I know what it feels like to wake up one day and not recognise yourself. To look at the life you’ve built, one that once felt so right,and feel like a stranger inside it. I spent years in the ambulance service, dedicating my life to helping others, but deep down, I knew somethingt was missing. The weight of responsibility, the relentless pace, and the unshakable feeling that I was meant for something more eventually became too much to ignore.

So I took the leap into entrepreneurship, chasing freedom, purpose, and a life where I could truly be present as a mother. And for a while, it worked. Until it didn’t.

When I lost my business, I lost more than just income, I lost my sense of self. My self-worth, my confidence, my belief in who I was all came crashing down. I had tied my identity to my success, and when that disappeared, so did my sense of direction. I was adrift, disconnected from myself, and unsure how to find my way back.

But the thing about losing yourself? It’s really just an invitation to remember who you really are.

How We Lose Ourselves

1. Living for Others’ Expectations

We are taught to chase success in ways that make sense to the world, good careers, financial stability, external validation. I had done all the “right” things, but they weren’t my things. When we shape our lives around what others expect, we disconnect from our own truth.

2. The Busyness Trap

I was constantly doing, saving lives, building a business, caring for my family, but rarely pausing to ask if I was truly living. We get so caught up in the momentum of life that we forget to check if it’s actually our life we’re living.

3. Loss & Identity Crises

Losing my business was more than just financial hardship, it was an identity crisis. We often define ourselves by our roles, our work, our achievements. And when those things shift or fall away, we’re left wondering: Who am I without this?

4. Ignoring Our Inner Voice

My intuition had been whispering to me for years, but I drowned it out with logic, fear, and external advice. I had abandoned my own knowing in favor of what seemed “safe” or “smart.” And that disconnection? That’s how we lose ourselves.

Finding Our Way Back

1. Stillness & Self-Inquiry

I had to learn to sit with myself. To stop running, stop numbing, stop avoiding. It wasn’t comfortable, but it was necessary. Breathwork, meditation, spirituality, understanding who I am designed to be and journaling became my way of listening, to the parts of me I had ignored for too long.

2. Following the Sparks

When everything fell apart, I had to ask: What truly lights me up? I was always drawn to deeper conversations, energy work, self-discovery. That’s where I found my way back, by leaning into what felt true rather than what felt expected.

3. Radical Self-Compassion

I had to forgive myself, for failing, for getting lost, for not having it all figured out. Healing wasn’t about fixing myself; it was about remembering that I was never broken in the first place.

4. Trusting My Own Wisdom Again

I stopped outsourcing my decisions. I learned to trust the intuitive nudges, the gut feelings, the inner knowing that had always been there, waiting for me to listen.

5. Letting Go of the Old Version of Me

The hardest part was releasing the version of myself I had spent years building, the one who tied her worth to success, who played by the rules, who ignored her own soul’s whispers. I grieved her, but I didn’t need to fix her. I needed to set her free.

6. Finding Support & Community

I didn’t do this alone. Healing, remembering, and reclaiming myself happened in spaces where I felt seen, held, and guided. And now, that’s what I offer others, the space to remember who they truly are.

You Were Never Truly Lost

I used to believe I had lost myself. But now I see, I was never lost, only buried beneath expectations, fears, and the need to prove my worth.

The real you has never left. It’s been there all along, waiting for you to slow down, to listen, to trust.

If you’re feeling lost, know this: You don’t need to find yourself. You just need to remember.

And if you need someone to hold space for you in that remembering, I’m here.

Vicky x